So why am I here? Why are you here?
Did you stumble here by mistake? Or are you, like me, trying to find some answers or comfort?
As I was driving early this morning, contemplating my life and what I was going to say to my counseller later, it occurred to me to start a new blog, one to talk about the health issues I am currently facing.
I guess, in the interests of disclosure and all that I should start at the beginning. (don't panic this isn't a life story and doesn't go back to my youth.)
8 years ago I was diagnosed with POP. POP stands for pelvic organ prolapse. I felt at the time that bottom had both literally and figuratively fallen out my world.
I had, it seems a rectal prolapse, commonly called a rectocele. Now the trouble with having a prolapse, is not just the physical discomfort and pain but the embarrassment and shame that comes with it.
Although apparently 50% of women suffer with a pop of some kind it is something that not many talk about and I felt so very alone. I felt damaged and the idea of being intimate with someone was terrifying.
I guess I should elaborate a little on the symptoms of a POP, but it isn't exactly pleasant so I will try to be as tactful as I can. Basically us women have a pelvic floor, a muscle, that helps support our internal organs (that's the easy bit). The muscle can get damaged or weak and organs it supports (uterus, bladder and bowel) can slip through. These usually slip into the vagina.
Now i have learned over the years that all sorts of things can cause the pelvic floor to become weak. Childbirth is usually one of the biggest culprits but being constipated, having diarrhea, coughing, standing too long, sitting too long, lifting heavy weights or being over weight. In fact the list of things that won't weaken the pelvic floor may be shorter.
So what is the first thing you do when you get diagnosed with something? Google the hell out of it! And what did I find??? To be honest there wasn't much. What I did find really wasn't that helpful either.
I got referred to a specialist and options were discussed. At the time there were 3 options or 4 if you wanted to do nothing I guess.
Option 1 - physio
option 2 - pessery
option 3 - surgery
Well, option 1 seemed as good a place as any so we started there. But....OMG mentally that made things so much worse.
I was told to do pelvic floor exercise in 20 second bursts every 20 minutes throughout the day. I mean honestly? I'm lucky if I remember to do them once a month but throughout the day, everyday! In fact I only remember when I mention pelvic floor to someone and then I do them! (I'm doing them right now! )
I was also told I shouldn't sit or stand for any length of time (so that rules out pretty much any job). I wasn't to lift anything heavier than a kettle (well that's shopping and picking the kids up for hugs out the window) I also couldn't do aerobic exercise, pilates may be ok but no inversions and yoga was mostly not alright. I shouldn't skip, trampoline (oh bugger, what a shame! I don't like either) Oh and running was a huge no no too.
Basically this trip to the PT made me feel like my life had stopped short and that nothing was ever going to get better. I was going to get into terrible pain if I even attempted any of these things. Nothing quite prepares you for news like that, not when you like to be active and work long shifts and have a small child.
So the PT said I should also start a course of treatment to try to improve my pelvic muscles. This is a lot less pleasant than a vibrator yet a similar concept. they insert a paddle where you really don't want it to go and when the machine tells you to and the paddle starts to vibrate you have to squeeze the hell out of it with your muscles! The machine records each squeeze and then after half an hour of squeezing, breathing, squeezing, breathing you get to be told you can wipe yourself down from the gel, pull your pants up and go home! It never even bought me dinner first!
I had several sessions like this, lying there and thinking of England while I could see builders working on the hospital out the one way glass windows (At least that's what they told me they were, OMG can you imagine!)
After treatment finished I was discharged, told to keep up those pelvic floor exercises and then back to the specialists.
So on to option 2. Pesseries. well these look like giant curtain rings made of a rubber or something. They seemed so silly and quite frankly the idea of a giant ring that is bigger than a curtain ring being inserted and left inside you to push all your organs up was very daunting. Well they tried one, it fell out (not cz I am huge in there btw, but cz my muscles kept pushing it out (curse you paddles)) So after multiple appointments and numerous rings being tried and falling out option 2 was declared a waste of time! (apparently you can get different shapes now)
So I was down to option 3! eeeek!
Option 3 is not something they like to do if you are thinking of having more children tho.. I had to wait until I was sure I had finished. Believe me after my last birth I was most certainly finished. Surgery was planned. I went to pre op, everything was all set.... but then I realised that the timing was terrible and that my youngest was still too little to not need picking up and that if I wasn't able to recover properly then it would undo all the work. I'm rather glad in hindsight that I didn't as the controversy over surgeries performed during that time were high!
Well I decided to do what I could for myself. I started to try to loose weight, gentle exercise. A little yoga every night (yes I know I wasn't meant to do it!) And I have to say for over a year I found I felt a lot better, no prolapse pain at all really.
Until.... about 2 months ago I had a horrid tummy bug and now everything is so incredibly painful, I can't walk any distance without being in pain. It is totally exhausting. I do hope though that things will improve again.
So in a nutshell, my journey so far started with a rectal prolapse possibly caused from working 10 hour shifts without a break, and maybe the muscles were weakened from childbirth or sexual abuse (they aren't sure). I have needed to take laxatives daily for over 8 years now and I have tried so many variations. I have found my diet helps too. Over the years I have also developed a bladder prolapse (yay! I think that should win me a prize of some kind) Going to the toilet and having sex have varying amounts of stress attached to them and both can prove to be a constant reminder of how damaged I am.
This isn't a full account, but for now it is enough to help me feel like I have logged something down, to make a step in the right direction to get my mind straight. If any of these ramblings have been in any way helpful to you or you want me to talk about any aspect more please feel free to say.
xxx
Did you stumble here by mistake? Or are you, like me, trying to find some answers or comfort?
As I was driving early this morning, contemplating my life and what I was going to say to my counseller later, it occurred to me to start a new blog, one to talk about the health issues I am currently facing.
I guess, in the interests of disclosure and all that I should start at the beginning. (don't panic this isn't a life story and doesn't go back to my youth.)
8 years ago I was diagnosed with POP. POP stands for pelvic organ prolapse. I felt at the time that bottom had both literally and figuratively fallen out my world.
I had, it seems a rectal prolapse, commonly called a rectocele. Now the trouble with having a prolapse, is not just the physical discomfort and pain but the embarrassment and shame that comes with it.
Although apparently 50% of women suffer with a pop of some kind it is something that not many talk about and I felt so very alone. I felt damaged and the idea of being intimate with someone was terrifying.
I guess I should elaborate a little on the symptoms of a POP, but it isn't exactly pleasant so I will try to be as tactful as I can. Basically us women have a pelvic floor, a muscle, that helps support our internal organs (that's the easy bit). The muscle can get damaged or weak and organs it supports (uterus, bladder and bowel) can slip through. These usually slip into the vagina.
Now i have learned over the years that all sorts of things can cause the pelvic floor to become weak. Childbirth is usually one of the biggest culprits but being constipated, having diarrhea, coughing, standing too long, sitting too long, lifting heavy weights or being over weight. In fact the list of things that won't weaken the pelvic floor may be shorter.
So what is the first thing you do when you get diagnosed with something? Google the hell out of it! And what did I find??? To be honest there wasn't much. What I did find really wasn't that helpful either.
I got referred to a specialist and options were discussed. At the time there were 3 options or 4 if you wanted to do nothing I guess.
Option 1 - physio
option 2 - pessery
option 3 - surgery
Well, option 1 seemed as good a place as any so we started there. But....OMG mentally that made things so much worse.
I was told to do pelvic floor exercise in 20 second bursts every 20 minutes throughout the day. I mean honestly? I'm lucky if I remember to do them once a month but throughout the day, everyday! In fact I only remember when I mention pelvic floor to someone and then I do them! (I'm doing them right now! )
I was also told I shouldn't sit or stand for any length of time (so that rules out pretty much any job). I wasn't to lift anything heavier than a kettle (well that's shopping and picking the kids up for hugs out the window) I also couldn't do aerobic exercise, pilates may be ok but no inversions and yoga was mostly not alright. I shouldn't skip, trampoline (oh bugger, what a shame! I don't like either) Oh and running was a huge no no too.
Basically this trip to the PT made me feel like my life had stopped short and that nothing was ever going to get better. I was going to get into terrible pain if I even attempted any of these things. Nothing quite prepares you for news like that, not when you like to be active and work long shifts and have a small child.
So the PT said I should also start a course of treatment to try to improve my pelvic muscles. This is a lot less pleasant than a vibrator yet a similar concept. they insert a paddle where you really don't want it to go and when the machine tells you to and the paddle starts to vibrate you have to squeeze the hell out of it with your muscles! The machine records each squeeze and then after half an hour of squeezing, breathing, squeezing, breathing you get to be told you can wipe yourself down from the gel, pull your pants up and go home! It never even bought me dinner first!
I had several sessions like this, lying there and thinking of England while I could see builders working on the hospital out the one way glass windows (At least that's what they told me they were, OMG can you imagine!)
After treatment finished I was discharged, told to keep up those pelvic floor exercises and then back to the specialists.
So on to option 2. Pesseries. well these look like giant curtain rings made of a rubber or something. They seemed so silly and quite frankly the idea of a giant ring that is bigger than a curtain ring being inserted and left inside you to push all your organs up was very daunting. Well they tried one, it fell out (not cz I am huge in there btw, but cz my muscles kept pushing it out (curse you paddles)) So after multiple appointments and numerous rings being tried and falling out option 2 was declared a waste of time! (apparently you can get different shapes now)
So I was down to option 3! eeeek!
Option 3 is not something they like to do if you are thinking of having more children tho.. I had to wait until I was sure I had finished. Believe me after my last birth I was most certainly finished. Surgery was planned. I went to pre op, everything was all set.... but then I realised that the timing was terrible and that my youngest was still too little to not need picking up and that if I wasn't able to recover properly then it would undo all the work. I'm rather glad in hindsight that I didn't as the controversy over surgeries performed during that time were high!
Well I decided to do what I could for myself. I started to try to loose weight, gentle exercise. A little yoga every night (yes I know I wasn't meant to do it!) And I have to say for over a year I found I felt a lot better, no prolapse pain at all really.
Until.... about 2 months ago I had a horrid tummy bug and now everything is so incredibly painful, I can't walk any distance without being in pain. It is totally exhausting. I do hope though that things will improve again.
So in a nutshell, my journey so far started with a rectal prolapse possibly caused from working 10 hour shifts without a break, and maybe the muscles were weakened from childbirth or sexual abuse (they aren't sure). I have needed to take laxatives daily for over 8 years now and I have tried so many variations. I have found my diet helps too. Over the years I have also developed a bladder prolapse (yay! I think that should win me a prize of some kind) Going to the toilet and having sex have varying amounts of stress attached to them and both can prove to be a constant reminder of how damaged I am.
This isn't a full account, but for now it is enough to help me feel like I have logged something down, to make a step in the right direction to get my mind straight. If any of these ramblings have been in any way helpful to you or you want me to talk about any aspect more please feel free to say.
xxx
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