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Living the Laxative life

For the past 8 years I have been told I need to take laxatives to help with my POP.   Really??  So what's it like needing to take tablets and powders daily so you can prevent the POP getting too bad?  

Well, to be honest I started on them as told by the doc so that It wouldn't make things worse... however I do feel it has had dramatic side effects.  Admitedly I no longer need to strain and it has certainly meant emptying my bowels is easier.... but!  Oh my the daily struggles!

So lets start by planning my week.  (you seriously have to think in advance all the time) so this week I have school runs, a cbt appointment, music class with my youngest and a long car journey.  Because my prolapse has become so painful recently I can't walk the school runs, but I do still need to fit my laxatives in.  So, as I know it will take them a little while to take effect I can take my powdered morning ones while the kids are having breakfast (they make you feel a little queasy (laxatives not the children... oh actualy they both can) but it's worth it.... usually) now the cbt and music class mean that I don't want to take them too early.  or I need to take them so early that they will have taken effect well beforehand. I opt for just before in both cases and I survive although only just (no one wants an accident)
Next is the car journey.  This is much harder. you can't stop easily when on the road.  So I take the powders in a bottle and start drinking slowly as I am going.   I don't want tummy cramps and pains as I am driving but as the alternative is a lot messier I will opt for that. 

Well that's the morning ones thought about.  Sometimes if I know I will be out and about I have to reduce the morning ones and just be in discomfort.

So evenings ones.  Well they are always effected by what I've eaten.   If I stick to a low carb diet then I can get away with only 3 tablets but if I've had a lot of carbs (especially those that come in chocolate!!) then I need to up the dosage. I find high, healthy fats in my diet do help a little.

Other things I have to think about.... toilets. I need to make sure I have a cleaning crew at the ready... actually just me but i need to know a sink is available and plenty of toilet tissue in case.   Going to the loo is always an awful experience, you don't want to be noisy, make a mess but on the other hand you really really need to go! Unfortunately my prolapse is at a stage (and has been for many years now) where I have to help myself empty my bowels.  This is v unpleasant, feels degrading and is so upsetting sometimes. And lets face it you can't chat about it around the dining room table, eyes roll to your hands!  Don't worry folks.... hands are always fully washed as funnily enough it grosses me out too. 

There is a lot of anxiety about toilets going on in my head, especially when staying somewhere, worry about whether they flush well, is there a room where people are chatting in the room below the toilet, is there a lock?  Oh my, believe me just going to someone elses loo can be so stressful.  I have enough anxiety about which toilet to choice in my house to be honest!

Do you know what... I really hate taking these things. 

So why bother??  OMG the pain if I don't, It feels like my bowels have become incredibly lazy and just can't process anything any more. 

And before you ask me have I tried....?  Well yes I probably have!
I drink loads and only water usually.
I've eaten all sorts of dried fruit, extra fibre added to food, loads of ruffage... no difference.
Dark chocolate sometimes helps but I can't keep that up everyday either.
I've tried so many different laxatives too, after a while my body either gets used to them or starts to spasm on them so they often get changed around.  

I realise this was a bit of an icky post to read, it was pretty icky to write to be honest.  When I started it tho I hadn't realised how incredibly anxious I am about going to peoples toilets.  I do manage and I have various tricks to help me out and deal with it.  But it is still a cause for stress.

I went to the doc last year, I really had had enough of taking laxatives and was so beyond dispair with it all.  It was suggested I go the surgery route.  But, although I thought this meant no more laxatives apparently this isn't the case at all!  I would still need to take them after a repair operation so as to ensure I don't get constipated!  How crazy is that!

Oh and I havn't told you the best bit... the thing I only just found out....

If, I decide i really want to rid my body of anything solid and up my dose too much... I can make my prolapse loads worse!  So I need to make sure it's soft but not too soft!!  It's like an impossible juggling act!

Well I guess I may have grossed you out more than enough now!

xxx
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