S o Depression for me is such a conundrum. I marvel at the beauty in life, I see all sorts of interest in crazy small things as much a stunning views. A catch for a gate caught my attention this morning and it led me down a rabbit hole of awe. All those inventions and people involved in such an insignificant thing. it's crucial to a gate and a beautiful form, yet was rusty and paint chipped. So that led me to thinking about nature and all the wonders there. I can see beauty all around me, this world, universe etc is truly amazing. All that creativeness, all that chance, all that randomness. But, the contradiction! I don't see any of that in me, I see failure, lack of talent, lack of any positive input on the world. I don't see any wonder in my existence. Just guilt. Guilt for every decision, the need to feel validated by others because I'm unable to see the good in myself. I even feel guilt for living, for not being a better part of the world, for not enjoying...